


If Only

by Vagabond



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Episode s03e09, Episode: s02e12 Prisoner's Dilemma, Gen, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-01-22
Packaged: 2018-01-09 15:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1147504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vagabond/pseuds/Vagabond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>This must be what people mean when they say a person’s life flashes before their eyes before they die</i>, he thought to himself. It was not really a recounting of all the things that were, but all the things that could have been and wouldn’t be because time was up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nicholas Donnelly DOA

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LindaO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindaO/gifts).



> So I had a thought: What if Nicholas Donnelly had made a different choice? What would his life have been if he had done one thing differently? 
> 
> This is going to (hopefully) be a series of drabbles regarding all of the POI characters and their thoughts on what could have been different. I don't know exactly where this will go, so I will update characters/warnings/etc. as I go. Enjoy!
> 
> ps. Thank you LindaO for the Nicholas Donnelly inspiration!

Nicholas Donnelly knew he was dying.

He knew his arm was broken and that he had a head contusion. His leg had something in it, but for some reason it didn’t hurt. Nothing did, strangely enough. As he lay in the wrecked car, staring out at New York City tilted sideways, he thought about what his life could have been.

_This must be what people mean when they say a person’s life flashes before their eyes before they die_ , he thought to himself. It was not really a recounting of all the things that were, but all the things that could have been and wouldn’t be because time was up.

He saw a wife who loved him and two beautiful children with the brightest brown eyes. They laugh and run to greet him when he returns from a day at the office. His wife’s eyes shine with joy and he returns her smile.

Instead, he chose to chase bad guys and never got a chance to say hello to the woman who could have been his wife.

Donnelly saw agent Carter being shown the ropes of her new career in the FBI. He had given up on the Man in the Suit; they both had. Her first day on the job and she was already impressive. The other agents who crossed her path warmed up to her immediately. She was going places.

Instead, he chose to pursue the Man in the Suit up until it killed him. Strangely, he also saw Carter lying on a sidewalk dead, not from a car crash but a gunshot.

Live by the sword, die by the sword, isn’t that what they say?

His last ‘if only’ vision comes in the form of the Man in the Suit. They are standing in an alley and the Man – John – is reaching out his hand.

_“We help people and we could help you. You could help us.” John’s eyes were trained on Donnelly, unwavering._

_“I think...”_

Two gunshots. He hadn’t seen her coming. 


	2. Joss Carter doesn't look back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was no looking back, no second guesses, she'd made her choice and would stick with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carter seems like a 'no regrets' kind of lady. I always appreciated her willingness to control and own her own life. This is dedicated to a strong character and the beautiful actress, Taraji P. Henson.

Joss Carter had brought HR to its knees and put a corrupt organization out of its misery. She felt like it was something to be proud of.

There were a few loose ends, but Simmons would turn up one way or another. If he didn’t, she had no doubt John and Harold would track the man down and deal with him. Somehow, someway, they would figure out how to put down the rabid dog Simmons had become.

As she went through the motions to get John out of lockup, she couldn’t help but wonder how she’d gotten to that point. Two years ago, would she have been so quick to dismiss a bad cop and even wish for his death? She certainly wouldn’t have risked her career for a man like Fusco and definitely not for Elias. What happened?

Harold Finch and John Reese had changed everything.

Leaning back in her chair, Joss let out a heavy sigh. She’d already put in a call to get John released and the paperwork was on her desk, but she needed a break. Her eyes closed for a moment and she pondered all of the things that could have been.

When she was promoted to detective, she’d taken Taylor out for ice cream. He was happy for her in the way a child could be, but also reserved.

_“But mom,” he began, looking at her with sad eyes as if he had just realized something, “does that mean…you won’t be around as much?”_

_“Oh baby, sometimes, yeah, but I’ll always be there for you. It won’t change things too much.” Or so she hoped. She watched her little boy as his gaze shifted down to his ice cream._

_“Could you say no?” he asked in perfect childlike innocence._

Saying no could have changed everything. She wouldn’t have joined homicide, wouldn’t have run into the Man in the Suit, and wouldn’t have dug up a body to cover her partner’s dirty past, or rescue a man who thought he could run New York City. The guilt of Donnelly’s death wouldn’t be hanging over her.

She’d made her choice, though, and there was no time for regrets. No time to go back. Maybe she would have found someone and remarried. Perhaps she would have gone into private security after she got tired of the uniform. There had been so many choices but as she looked back she knew she had made the best choice, if only because there was no second guessing at this point.

With another sigh she opened her eyes, leaned forward, and finished up the paperwork. Her phone buzzed and she glanced at the text, smiling because John was ready to be released.

So she went to get him. There was no looking back. 


End file.
